Tuesday, November 1, 2011

How Much?!?!

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Look, we all pretty much agree that the government is too big. Unfortunately, we can’t all agree on what to cut. Liberals wanna cut defense, Republicans wanna cut social safety nets, Tea Partiers don’t care what you cut, just so long as you cut something and cut it to the quick, and Conservatives… well Conservative want you to pay the fire department before they put out your deep-fried turkey flare-up.

So what IS too much government? Is it too much government when they prevent Wall $treet from tanking the economy? Is it too much government when they prevent Marcellus Shale from turning kitchen faucets into fuel pumps? I wouldn’t know because apparently those regulations are as real as Santa Claus who, incidentally, won’t be visiting little Timmy AGAIN!!! But I digress.

I have an idea, why don’t we get rid of all government regulations for a period of oh… let’s say 90 days. That’s right, no rules, no regulations AND… no laws.  Be it rape or zoning, no government interference for 90 days. Anyone left standing after 90 days gets to vote on a brand new set of government regulations and TRUST me… there will be government regulations. 

You think the EPA is a job-killing monster? Really? Because of the EPA most corporations have entire departments dedicated to maintaining compliance with EPA regulations. Others have entire departments dedicated to the circumvention of EPA regulations. And that’s not even counting the 18000 people employed by EPA.  Saying the EPA is a job killer is like saying prostitution saves marriages. The only thing the EPA is killing is corporate Amerika’s buzz.

You know who really wants the EPA abolished, pharmaceutical companies that’s who. Because once the EPA is out of the way, cancer clusters will pop-up quicker then acne on a ninth-grader. And every time another patient is diagnosed with cancer a drug rep gets their wings… or something like that. So yeah, we should probably keep the EPA. In fact, we should probably give them guns. But I digress.

Why the hell are we looking to congress for jobs anyway, it’s not like they can wave a magic rent boy’s wand and create jobs. I mean seriously, do you really want a job created by THIS congress? We’re on our own people; time to create our own jobs. 

Look, I know we ALL can’t create our own jobs but I also know there are plenty of us out there that can and just haven’t been inspired yet. Well how’s this for inspiration; every time someone creates their own job, a executive gets caught fucking the babysitter. Every time someone hangs their own shingle, corporate Amerika is weakened just a little more. 

It doesn’t have to be anything new and exciting, you can wash cars in your neighborhood, go door-to-door with a screw driver offering to tighten loose screws and if you’re a handsome lad, loose women. 

Whatever happened to those guys that used to go door-to-door spray painting addresses on the curb? Well how’s this for a fresh spin on that old idea, offer to spray paint the wrong address on the curb. Never receive another collection notice again. 

Look this IS the “do something great” moment you’ve been waiting for; did you think it would just come on a sunny afternoon when you’d just finished masturbating and hadn’t a care in the world? Nope, they usually arrive the moment you realize you’re out of toilet paper

My point is, if you want that job, go out there and create it. Who knows, maybe you’ll be successful enough to hire someone that couldn’t create their own job. And every time THAT happens… a babysitter is caught fucking a corporate executive. But I digress.

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