Friday, October 12, 2012

A Sharia Law to call our own - Missouri lawmakers override Gov. Nixon's birth control bill veto

A Sharia Law to call our own - Missouri lawmakers override Gov. Nixon's birth control bill veto

They say this law is all about religious freedom. Oh, not your religious freedom. No, your religious freedom is null and void as it has just been trumped by the religious freedom of your employer, your doctor, and your health insurance provider. Of course this means that every health insurance provider in the state of Missouri is going to find religion quicker then a death-row inmate in Texas. But I digress.

This law actually denies you your religious freedom by allowing those already holding power over you to insert their religious beliefs directly into your vagina. And ladies, you better bite a pillow because they're going in dry. With the passing of this law, Missouri should also be required to change their state motto from "The welfare of the people shall be the supreme law" to "Oh, you're a hedonist... too bad, we're not, and you're a slut."

Ladies, it is time to send a message to our lawmakers and that message should be "Remember Lorena Bobbit? John Bobbit sure does."

Juice Box Junkies - Attention Disorder or Not, Pills to Help in School

When your car breaks down, you fix it. When your plumbing leaks, you fix it. And when your school system has failed... you drug your child as if they're a Lohan? 

One of the side effects of Adderall, besides masturbating all day, is increased blood pressure. Tell me, does an 8 year old really need high blood pressure? Can't we wait until they've at least lived through 35 years of poor life choices before they get high blood pressure? Shouldn't they stroke out over their mortgage and not their peanut butter sammich?

We are constantly making the political argument that we are leaving our kids with a ton of debt, and now we've come up with a solution to that problem, and that solution is... to simply outlive our kids.

"Darwin! Table for one." - Hong Kong woman dies after cancer 'beauty' treatment

"Darwin! Table for one." - Hong Kong woman dies after cancer 'beauty' treatment

Look, this isn't about the Chinese beauty industry nor is it about the supposed treatment that killed this poor patient. In fact, I really couldn't care any less about either. With everything going on in our own backyards right now, caring about this particular incident should rank somewhere below learning to fold thong underwear on one's own personal priority list. So this isn't about that.

It's about too many people, and too many people making dinner reservations with Darwin. What I mean is that the population of the planet has surpassed 7 billion people, that's 7 billion plus people that are fighting for the same natural resources as you. Now, human compassion tells us that they have just as much a right to those resources as you do, and to a degree, they are correct. But why should we make it easier for the dumb ones to survive? Now I'm not talking about people with special needs; taking care of those that through no fault of their own cannot take care of themselves is what sets us apart from the animal kingdom. That, and the ability to vote against our own best interests. But I digress.

I'm talking about those that choose to be stupid through either mental laziness or just plain defiance of the laws of physics. It is because of those people that I think it's time to remove the phrase "Do not eat" from shampoo bottles. It is because of those people that I think it's time to put electrical outlets right next to the bathtub. And it is because of those people that I suggest we start selling running shoes and scissors together as a set.

When I was a kid, we didn't wear helmets when we rode our bikes, we didn't dress like extras from "The Hurt Locker" every time we went skateboarding, and we played football in the street. My point is, it is time to just sit back, let nature take its course, and enjoy the show because it just might be our only hope.