Friday, October 21, 2011

Expansion Theory

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With the Occupy movement showing no signs of slowing, maybe it’s time for us to evolve. Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do, evolve? Aren’t WE supposed to be growing as a species? Isn’t it about time we gave up the “ME” mentality and began thinking outside the super-sized happy meal? And for those of you counting, yes that is the second time I’ve used that reference this week. But I digress.

Now I’m not suggesting some grand act of charity, nobody’s got time for that shit. But with roughly one out of every ten people now unemployed the house odds are high that you know somebody that needs a little help.  What little things could we each do for our unemployed friends? I know… how about we quit calling them bums? Can we at least start with that? 

Can we quit applauding politicians that demonstrate just how outta touch they are with reality every time they tell the unemployed to “Get a job”? Can we quit being douche-noodles towards our neighbors? Is it so wrong to NOT be surprised when a stranger tips their hat to you? And yes, I envision a world where we all where hats. But I digress.

Today’s unemployed was yesterday’s gainfully employed. Nobody’s out there taking a voluntary lay-off because their doctor told them to take it easy and live on dole for a while. They didn’t want to lose their job, their dignity, and in some cases their families? So can we at least, just for now, give these people a break? Besides, not being a douche-noodle is lot less expensive then it used to be. In fact it costs nothing but will help rebuild the life that Wall $treet, financial de-regulation, and the SEC, which is so spineless it blows itself to sleep every night, took from them.

You know what, now would also be a pretty good time to quit manufacturing crap that we don’t need. I mean seriously, how many collectible plates do you need before you realize you should probably buy a sundress and get laid? How many different video game attachments do you need for your P$4 Xbox720? Look, there should only be one game. One in which the goal is to solve the world’s problems.  And when a 12-year-old solves it parents everywhere will have no choice but to shut the hell up and let their children finish a sentence or two. My point is, we’re always saying how our children will inherit the earth, well… let them fix it, clearly we’re not up to the job.

And while we’re at it, lets level the field in both the House and Senate. I don’t know about you but I believe every lawmaker should make the average median and not the combined income of their constituents. How the hell is anyone able to relate to the middle class when they get nervous every time the middle class drives through their gated communities? And when exactly did politics become a career? Who woke up one day and said, “Ya know… there’s gold in them thar coffers”? 

Politics in this country has become a booming industry. Hell, I’d venture to say it ‘s the number one employer and if I was a betting man, I’d put all my dough into Kinkos because as this 4 year campaign cycle enters it’s fourth quad-mester, those apron wearing keepers of the toner are gonna be busy. But I digress. 

Look, I know politics provides jobs and it generates revenue for various economies… just like coal mining, offshore drilling, and the whaling industry. Yeah I know… it sounds pretty fucked up when I put it that way. But once again, I digress.

Perhaps we should quit trying to be an empire, a nasty little habit we clearly got from our British ancestors, and focus more on home. Let another country be Libya’s best friend. Oh sure, their crude oil is some of the most desirable in the world and it requires very little refining. But sewage like that should no longer concern us. Instead, why don’t we REALLY try to get the fossil fueled monkey off our backs? Wouldn’t it be great to be energy independent from the rest of the world? Wouldn’t it be grand if we invaded a country to stop REAL atrocities against humanity? Let’s face it; if our cars ran on Darfurians, our troops would have been boots down in Darfur the moment we found a refugee camp. If we got our energy from alternative sources we wouldn’t have to see Gadhafi’s bloody corpse all over YouTube!!! That man was ugly enough when he was alive. My point is, let France or Spain deal with crazy for a while, we need a break.

The Occupy movement has stated that it does not wish to become a political party and I have to ask… ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Look, these knuckleheads in DC are not going to change so some of you are just going to have to step up to the plate and make this shit happen. I mean seriously, what harm could come of having someone in office that just wants to do the job right the first time so they can get home in time to see the game?

I think this is an excellent opportunity to create a third party. You’ve already shown more dedication, got more credibility, and make much more sense then the tea party. You don’t believe me? How many World Tea Bagging days do you recall?

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