Friday, October 7, 2011

Death of a News Cycle

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There was talk earlier this week about the Occupy Wall $treet protest possibly developing into an actual political party. And I remember thinking “why not?” Look how powerful the Tea Party became and those people are retards. 

But seriously why not? After all, they’re meeting everyday to form a general consensus of their demands AND they spell check their protest signs. In just three weeks, they’ve accomplished more then Congress has all year. 

Just like the Tea Party, they’re mad as hell but rather then slamming on the brakes of every car on the crazy train, they’re actually experimenting with a new and never before heard of negotiating technique where the word “No” is the last stop for an idea, not the first.  

More importantly, the media was finally starting to not only cover but pundit and pontificate all over the protest like it was a needy party girl with presidency issues. Sadly, this lasted only a nanosecond because that very same afternoon, Amanda Knox had her conviction overturned. And just like that, we witnessed the birth of a news cycle. 

And when it became obvious that Amanda Knox just wasn’t pretty enough to captivate the nation for more than  18 hours, Apple stepped up to the plate and rolled out its new iPhone 4s which sent iPhone junkies around the globe on a mission of unparalleled autistic like single mindedness in a drive to obtain the newest “must have”.

And then… well then the news cycle kicked into high gear when Steve Jobs passed away, eliciting millions upon millions of tributes, praise, and condolences from around the globe. All of a sudden the most important thing in social media was making sure the entire world knew they were behind Steve and his family 100 percent of the way.  And yet in all that praise, all that memoriam, and all those tributes not one person paid homage to Steve Jobs crowning achievement… making obsolescence desirable. 

Steve was a magician when it came to planned obsolescence. Why do you think the iPad STILL doesn’t a USB port? Because he knew you’d sell your wife’s soiled panties just so you could be the first on your block to have the iPad with wings. 

Hell, they’re not even trying to hide the fact that today’s gadget is tomorrow’s penny-whistle. Some stores even guarantee a “buy back” price so you’ll fell better about yourself when you drop $399.99 for the newest soon-to-be obsolete piece of silicon. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t an indictment against Mr. Jobs, after all, he was simply giving us what we asked for, obsolescence. 

But Steve’s death needn’t be in vain. It should serve as a lesson to billionaires everywhere; cancer doesn’t care how much money you have, it doesn’t want your wallet, just your life. Dying in silk pajamas is still dying. 

Which brings us to the tenth anniversary of the war in Afghanistan AND the death of this particular news cycle. In case you forgot, we’re still occupying an entire country and spending millions of dollars every day in order to capture, torture, or kill 50-100 al Qaeda operatives… yeah I know… it sounds really fucked up when I put it that way.

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